Okay, so WordPress provides bloggers with search terms of their viewers to help them find out how their audience is finding them. Since February, there are 608 search engine phrases used to find my site. 538 of these are “Unknown” (i.e. they are not recorded by the search engine itself because they are private or whatever reason. Not included in either of these numbers are the views from people who access my pages through direct links (i.e. linked from Facebook or other social media sites, or those bookmarked pages.) The leftover 70 or so fall into several categories, which I will now share with you. [[I apologize in advance if you see one of your search terms is listed here and for me poking fun at it. Please be assured that I have absolutely NO idea who you are, as WordPress doesn’t identify who searched for what.]] I have capitalized things where appropriate because it’s easier to understand what they were looking for, but left spelling and grammar the same because, on the whole, my readers are pretty literate.
Category 1: “Right on!”
This category I reserved for the search terms that my site was made for, that is my blog’s main draw, that I specifically mentioned or made a big deal about on my blog.
Example search terms:
- Anything with the words “swap”: gender swap, body swap, head swap, etc.
- “Do Belle and Jane look alike?” The answer is yes. See here.
- “Tour of the kingdom” (Multiple terms included references to Little Mermaid, Eric and/or Ariel) See this comic.
- “Reindeer are better than people” and “Reindeers are better than people” “Raindeers are better than people.” I did a rant about the pluralization of reindeer in my blog. [[First search term: Yay! You spelled it the right way! Second search term: Well, that’s what it does say in the lyrics, even though it’s wrong. Third search term: No. Just…no.]]
- “Daniel Radcliffe flaming branch.” Yup. I definitely reposted this picture.
- “Eric merman” and “Little Mermaid Ariel human” I certainly did make Eric into a merman and Ariel into a human.
- “Devil’s Snare” is deadly fun but will sulk in the sun! (Also, I killed Neville with it.)
- “Frozen who was in charge up to the coronation” I was really, really, really happy when I saw this one. It proves that more people than just me started digging around into the sheer weirdness of there being no one ruling Arendelle for the three years before Elsa came of age. Seriously? This still bugs me. Read this. It’s probably my absolute favorite of any Disney What-if story I’ve done.
- Related to the above search phrase: “What are Elsa and Ana’s parents names from Frozen.” Nope, they aren’t mentioned. I named them Nikolas and Ingrid, because in the written word, people need names. You can get away with stuff like that in movies and TV where all you have to do is be able to recognize someone.
Subcategory: “You’ve definitely been here before”
- “Alice and Wendy” I’m certain I’m not the first person to find the similarities between Alice and Wendy (considering they’re voiced by the same person), but I feel like this is far less likely to be a common search term than gender swapped characters from the same movie. This is two different characters from different movies. I’m chalking this up to revisits.
- “Megara as Jasmine” You, my friend, have been here before. When doing the second part of my Disney Heroine Body Swaps, I had trouble figuring out who paired best with Ariel, Mula, Jasmine, Megara, Esmeralda and Pocahontas. The fact that I put Jasmine and Megara together was a matter of statistical pairings: out of all of the possible pairs, which combinations maximized the similarities between them? This is not a common search term.
- “Obliviate cartoon” Way too specific to be a coincidence. Just “Obliviate?” Maybe. Just “Harry Potter comic?” Almost certainly. But not this one.
- “Evil Olaf” Considering Olaf is the cutest, most cuddliest thing in the world, this is no coincidence. Case in point.
- “Animal paradox in movies” Sure, this one could be someone wondering why Disney movies vary so widely in how much an animal can speak, but I specifically called my post The Disney Animal Paradox. I’m calling this a repeat visitor.
- “Ariel and Eric tour of the kingdom the Great Mouse Detective” These two search terms are so unrelated that they have to be trying to find my page. My Tour of the Kingdom comic and my mention of the Great Mouse Detective in the Disney Animal Paradox were posted only 3 days apart. Someone must have remembered parts of my two most recent posts (at the time) or the two they had read and they were trying to find me again.
Category 2: “I can see how you ended up here”
This category is for those search terms that are more than just your average amount of overlap. They’re things that may have been quoted, mentioned or referenced in my blog, but are generally not something big or important. Usually, there’s an overlap between things I commonly talk about (Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, Frozen, Aladdin and Disney in general).
Example Search terms:
- “Disney screencaps”, “[Insert name of Disney movie] screencaps”, etc. I frequently cite Disneyscreencaps.com as the source for most of my images for my Disney photoshopping antics. You should check them out rather than me.
- People searching for a very specific image, things like “Gazeem Disney” “Aladdin restrained” “Aladdin drowning” “Hans sword” “Gaston proposal”, “Friend Like Me”, “The part where Ana turned into ice in Frozen”, “Prince Belle marry” “Disney Lefou” etc. I have definitely had Aladdin being restrained, then drowned, as well as Gazeem’s name in my Aladdin Without Magic, and similarly mentioned the other things in other writings. A lot of these terms are so vague that they could just as easily lead you to any other Disney-themed website.
- “Frozen Elsa introvert” A common personality quiz going around the internet is about “Which Frozen character are you?” and talking about personalities types with Ana being the extrovert and Ana being the introvert. I searched on my site, and I used the word introvert in reference to Dumbo, but never about Elsa. However, “Frozen” and “Elsa” are both common tags in many of my pages, so there’s the connection.
Category 3: “WTF?”
This category is for the search terms that either 1) are completely bizarre or indecipherable or 2) are totally messed up, wrong or helllll no. Before you ask, YES! These are all 100% real and 100% not made up. Don’t believe me? I can screenshot them for you.
Example search terms:
- “Bondage Ariel y Eric” First of all, a cursory look in an online Spanish-English dictionary tells me that bondage (i.e. the sexual practice) in both languages is spelled the same, which explains why there’s that “y” in there. Some Spanish reader is looking for some kinky mermaid action. There is none here to be found. Sorry. [[Please note that this search term came up twice.]]
- “Alarm merman” I have no idea what you’re searching for. You probably got sent here because I had “merman” from my Eric-as-a-merman swap and I no doubt have the phrase “Raise the alarm” somewhere on my blog, but what exactly are you looking for? Are you looking for a merman alarm clock? Are you wondering if there are guard mermen standing sentinel over Triton’s underwater palace who are there to raise the alarm in case of invading sharks? I have no idea.
- “Aladdin bird stone” Just “Aladdin bird?” Answer: Iago. But what does “stone” have to do with anything? I know Maleficent’s pet crow gets turned into stone by one of the fairies in Sleeping Beauty, but not Iago. Maybe you ended up here because of me referencing the stone Cave of Wonders and Iago in my Aladdin without Magic, (or maybe my mention of the Great Stone Dragon in Mulan) but I don’t know what to tell you. I have no stone birds here, from Aladdin or otherwise.
- “Belle double penetrated by Gaston and Adam!” As George Takei would say, “Oh myyyy…” Note: I did not put that exclamation point there. Someone really, really wanted to see this. Again, there is nothing like this on my site. I probably was high up on the list of results because I actually call the Beast “Adam” in my Beauty and the Beast Without Magic. His name is actually never mentioned in the film, so it’s not widely known.
- “Aurora underwater gagged” Aurora was never underwater. Maybe they meant Ariel? She was gagged by Flotsam and Jetsam, I believe.
- “Elsa made her heat ice cold” Say what? If you made your heat cold, then it’s not heat anymore. Elsa’s cryokinetic, which means she can control ice and snow. Maybe this is a search about her body heat, like why doesn’t she freeze to death if she makes coldness with her bare skin? I got nothing.
- “Body Jasmine Ariel images” This one wouldn’t be so bad if not for the word “body” at the front. Are you just trying to check them out, or is there something more? Were you trying to find a body swap and forgot one of the words? Were you trying to figure out who was skinnier, or maybe just trying to find full-body images rather than just the torso or head/neck area?
- “Cuzco and Elsa Disney” Okay, that’s just about the weirdest pairing I’ve ever seen. A girl who makes winter and an emperor from South America. Sure. Maybe this is a strategy against global warming?
- “Aladdin sexy” “Megara sexy” What, they aren’t sexy enough for you in the movies? Sheesh.
- “Little Mermaid legs taken from Cinderella” Is that how Ariel gets legs? Ursula steals Ariel’s voice and, in exchange, takes Cinderella’s legs? Is Ursula the pawn shop of the magical world?
- “Body swap inanimate comics” Are there animate comics? Don’t we just call those…cartoons? Or animated features? Or maybe you want me to swap pictures of comatose Penn & Teller…
- “Aladdin giant” Are you looking for a large-sized, high-res picture of Aladdin? Or do you want a picture of him crushing the people of Agrabah like ants? There is definitely a part in the movie where Genie is giant, but not Aladdin.
Category 4: Questions I want to answer
These are people who were obviously trying to get some information from the internet. I’ll take a stab at it.
Example search terms:
- “In Frozen which girl had the powers” Elsa. There’s nothing else to say to this.
- “Lampwick’s fate” I actually had to look this one up myself, having watched Dumbo infrequently as a kid. But you never find out what happens to Lampwick. He just runs off as a donkey and no doubt gets sold with all the other boy-donkeys. Drinking’s bad for you, kids.
- “Deeper meaning to magic carpet ride from Aladdin” Whoa. Lay off the weed, dude. They’re flying…through the world…Stay with me here…on a magic carpet… Or maybe “There’s a magic carpet inside all of us.”
- “Does Anna lose her white srtip [sic] of hair after Elsa thaws her frozen heart” Yes. It’s gone. Elsa un-whited the rest of her hair at the end, so why not the original strip?
Category 5: Ideas you’ve given me
- “Futurama Fry merman” I now want to make a merman version of Fry to show how he would have looked had he chosen to stay in the Lost City of Atlanta.
- “Cinderella gender swap” I haven’t done one yet, basically for the reason that the prince is so not memorable. I generally try to swap two characters and their positions in the story rather than actually change Cinderella into a man. Therefore, it would be Cinderella in some sort of outfit that looks similar to the prince’s and the prince in a really pretty ballgown. These kind of swaps don’t really work unless the outfits make sense. (For example, when I swapped Eric and Ariel, I didn’t give Eric a seashell bra; I just showed what he would look like if he were a merman. Ariel was a bit of a cross-dresser, but I made her outfit more feminine. Kinda pirate-chic.) I suppose I could make Prince Charming wear Cinderella’s work outfit, but with pants instead of a dress, and Cinderella wear the prince’s outfit modified to be a ballgown… Hmmm…the juices are flowing. Stay tuned! [[Update: Check it out here]]
- “Harry Potter fan fiction gender swap” You’re definitely here because of “Harry Potter” and “gender swap” but unfortunately, I’ve never done one of these before. It’s hard to do swaps from live-action movies (well, harder than animated movies) because it still needs to look like real people. But, it would be interesting to do Harriet Potter and the Life That’s Hard When You’re a Boy But Even Harder When You’re a Girl Because People Expect You to Save the Wizarding World and Yet Still Look Pretty. Wait…never mind. That’s depressing.
- “Body swap Tarzan and Jane” This one I have thought of before, but it’s not super fun for me. We’ve already seen Jane in a jungle-woman outfit at the end of the movie. It’s no fun to do it again, just more work for a crappier product.
- “Disney five muses mermaids” Oooooo! This could be fun! The Muses from Hercules redone as mermaids!
- “Harry Potter awesome edition” Is this a fan fic? Or a recut of the original films? Either way, SOMEBODY TELL ME BECAUSE I WANT–NAY, NEED—TO KNOW!!!!
- “Gender swap Ursula sea witch” I had considered this, and even mentioned it in my Little Mermaid Gender Swap. I imagine she’ll look like a trucker as a man. Give me time. [[Update: Check it out here.]]
- “Frozen Arendelle in the cold huns giving blankets” I’m sure they meant “Hans giving blankets”, but this has given me an awesome idea from that typo: Shan Yu and the other Huns from Mulan handing out blankets to the people of Arendelle. Mushu: “They popped out of the snow…like daisies! And then they gave us…blankets…”
- “What else could Ariel of swapped” Well, that’s actually a really good (if poorly executed) question! (“Could have…” not “could of”) Wouldn’t it be funny if Ariel had swapped her arms for legs? Ursula: “You have your looks…your pretty face… And don’t underestimate the importance of eating with your toes!”) Or maybe her sight? She could be hitting on Max the dog and never known it. Or her hearing? She could just talk and talk and talk and not care how she sounds. Eric can show her all sorts of cool new human things and she’d be making up crazy names for them because she can’t hear what he’s saying.
- “Disney descendants daughters” Not quite sure what you mean. This could be a search about Walt Disney’s daughters, mentioned in Saving Mr. Banks, but my personal interpretation gives me some ideas. What would the kids of the Disney couples look like? We get a peek of some of them in the sequels (Simba & Nala have a daughter Kiara, Ariel & Eric have Melody, etc. Yes, I have seen these sequels. I just…needed to know…) But merging facial features to make a composite is not out of the realm of possibility… What kind of kids do Prince Charming & Cinderella have? Or Aurora & Phillip? [[Update: Check some out Aladdin’s daughter here.]]
Well, that’s it for now! If enough people keep searching for weird stuff, I will undoubtedly have more stuff to discuss in a future post! Until then, keep reading! See your search term and want to comment? Go ahead! I love to find out that people are actually reading my posts…