A Nitpicker’s Guide to Frozen

I don’t want you to get the wrong impression from this post.  I love Frozen.  I’ve been listening to the soundtrack nonstop in the shower.  I will own the movie when it comes out on DVD.  I will memorize it.

This is just a nitpicker voicing concerns about plot holes that me and my friends have talked about and thought of since we saw the movie.  There are probably more, but here are a few:

Reindeers are better than people

Reindeer are better than people.  Reindeer. This bugs the crap out of me.  Seriously, I thought lyricists live and breathe grammar and sleep with both a dictionary and thesaurus under their pillows.  Besides, who hasn’t heard “Twas the Night Before Christmas” and “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer” a thousand times and know all the names of Santa’s reindeer?

Next up, this scene:

Trolls

Seriously? What the crap? This whole part at the beginning makes no sense.  So, apparently getting shot through the heart (and you’re to blame!) with ice is really bad and will slowly turn you into a frozen block of ice, but through the head will also slowly turn you into a block of ice…but if you forget about it then…you won’t? This is all just a ploy to keep Elsa’s secret from Anna throughout the majority of the movie.  Also, the trolls make it very clear that for Anna to ever know about her sister’s gift would be very bad for her.  But Elsa sets off an eternal winter and now Anna knows and…nothing happens? So, basically, Elsa was kept locked away, told her powers were bad and had to be controlled, and it was all for nothing? How many years of her life did she waste being locked in that room?

Then there’s their parents.  Typical knee-jerk reaction.  Elsa didn’t zap Anna with ice because she couldn’t control her powers.  It was an accident, and more so, it was Anna’s fault.  Elsa tried to get her to stop jumping because she couldn’t keep up and (typical little sister), Anna didn’t listen. So, the parents’ reaction was just to lock her away and never let her use her powers again, when even as a child she showed remarkable control over them.  It’s like trying to put a lid on something under pressure; there are pressure release valves for a reason.  If she had just been allowed to practice her powers, she would have learned better control.  Even after ten-plus years of trying to hide her powers away, Elsa emerges on that mountain with complete control over them, just by using them.  Seems to me that if she wasn’t under control, that ice castle she built would have collapsed under its own weight, her ice monster would have killed her, or her own powers would have reflected back at her and turned her own heart into ice.

And speaking of this whole frozen heart business. Even in the opening song, the ice cutters sing, “Beware the frozen heart.” Ominous, right? I was sitting there thinking, even as Anna’s parents consulted the trolls about her injuries and the luck she had that the ice had missed her heart, that something really bad could happen in that scenario.  “Frozen heart.” To me, that sounds like a total absence of love and warmth, and that the person could actually start to become hateful and perhaps even evil. In the original Hans Christian Andersen story, one of the characters actually does have a frozen heart and stops caring about the people he loves.  Now that’s something that could only be cured by an act of true love. But no, Disney went the literal route.  Boring!

That brings me to my next beef.  Sentient life.  Elsa can make sentient life from nothing.  What if she had been an evil queen, rather than someone misunderstood because of her powers? She could have just made a hundred thousand of those scary-ass snowmonsters to do her bidding, waging war on Arendelle and beyond.  Can you imagine a thousand evil Olafs ready to do the wicked Snow Queen’s bidding?

Evil Olaf copy

Now that’s a story.

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